Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Let's face it. Every aspect of building a career is in some way analogous to a committed relationship.

You have that awkward first date (the interview). Maybe a friend swore you'd be a perfect match. Maybe you just randomly threw yourself out there and got a bite. Maybe you hired a matchmaker service. Whatever the case is, it's inevitable - that first encounter is always awkward. At least in dating you can alleviate some of it by having a bottle of wine handy.

Trust me when I tell you...that does not fly in an interview.

The really nasty thing about jobs though, is that you're then expected to just jump right into this relationship based on that first date. You don't get to meet the friends or family, and you get just the best possible image of what it could be like, and a promise of "benefits" that may or may not end up even being benefits. Both parties end up taking a huge risk on each other by accepting each other as employer/employee, and as often as whirlwind romances work out in the rarely goes so smoothly in real life.

But, we toil on. Sometimes the relationship gets bumpy and we get mad at each other, but usually it works itself out.

Sometimes, though, you just grow apart.

That's where I'm at. I've "decided to go in another direction" and am "breaking up" with my boss today. It's not her, it's me. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say today, but here's a solid list of options:

  • “Maybe this break up will be good for you, since you’ve never really experienced pain before.”
  • “The problem with our relationship is, we’re in a relationship.”
  • “Just the fact that you had to sit me down and talk about our communication problems means that were not going to work out and we should end our relationship.”
  • "I can’t believe you won’t let me go to a strip club in Vegas. This shows you really don’t care about me.”
  • “Really, our time together has just become more effort than you’re worth.”
  • “I know we’ve been together for a year, and I do love you, but you're a damn Virgo and I’m a Scorpio, so we both know that Aries is much better for me.”
  • “I’ve put three thousand miles on my car since I met you!”

So that should be a fun conversation to have. 

On a related note, tonight's spin is going to be something about breakups and the 5 stages of loss or something clever like that. But for now, I need to go have The Talk. 

Or "unemployed"

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