Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Mardi Gras Mayhem

Somehow, I've ended up with a lot of holidays to cover this year. Last week was V Day, I taught the last spin of the year in December, and next month I get to teach on Pi Day. Oh, Leap Day too, I get that one as well.

Today, however, is the best day of the year to all cajun Catholics and partiers everywhere.

Mardi Gras, y'all. It's magical.

You'd never know those proton packs were homemade.
There are a few things in life that are so pre-written as the traditional Bourbon Street Mardi Gras experience. (Given that we were celebrating with my parents and grandparents, it goes without saying that our experience wasn't exactly "pre-written", but bear with me here.)

With that in mind, tonight's workout is designed to make those of us who'll be celebrating at the gym instead of the bar feel more like we're not really missing all that much. Or something.

Mardi Gras Mayhem Workout:

Overall Move Breakdown
The "Gimme Some Beads Mister" Shirt Lift with Squat Emphasis Part 1, The arm lift:
Imagine she's lifting her shirt, not dumbbells. For beads guys, for beads. 
Part 2, The squat emphasis: 

Part 3, Combine the moves. No pic for this, just imagine squatting while lifting your shirt over your head, except instead of living a shirt, we're lifting weights.
The "Yeah, sure, I'll give you some beads" enhanced bead throw with back lunge power generator Part 1, The tricep extension: 
She totally stole my workout outfit. Brat.
Part 2, the back lunge:
Like a front lunge, but the arrows point differently
Part 3, combine the moves. Back lunge with arms overhead and dumbbells down against your back. Explode up onto one leg, flinging beads dumbbells forward, except not really because I want beads, not a concussion.
The Barroom Shuffle Part 1, keeping the drinks out of harm's way. 
     Grab your light weights (or heavies, if you're dreaming of Hurricanes) and brace your feet about shoulder width apart. Keeping palms facing up, raise your arms out in front of you, then out to the sides. Bring them back to the center and down again.

Sort of like what she's doing with her arms, not her legs. Also, "waitress arm lift" does not return the results you think it would. Geesh.
Part 2, Quick feet. Keeping your feet a little bit wider than shoulder width, come down into a wide squat. Without letting your knees track over your toes, come up onto your toes and shuffle side to side a few steps. 
Part 3, Sobriety Test. Combine the moves: come down into the squat and shuffle, with your arms raising front and to the sides as you shuffle. Remember to keep the motion smooth, since your sobriety depends on you making it back to the table without spilling too much. 
Grabbing a Table at Cafe du Monde Part 1, throwing some 'bows into it. Grab a resistance band and hold it out in front of you, about shoulder width and height. One arm at a time, keeping your arms parallel to the floor, pull back like you're elbowing someone's poor grandmother for the last table at Cafe du Monde. Keep the other arm out straight, to keep the space you've burrowed in the crowd open. 

Part 2, moving forward. With a commanding stomp, plant your foot in front of you and come down into a walking lunge. Explode off the back leg like you mean it - take no prisoners. 

Part 3, parting the crowds. Combine the moves. Lunge like you mean it and throw the opposite 'bow as you come down. The same foot and arm should be coming forward at the same time, for maximum crowd damage. 
The Drunken Walk Home Part 1, dropping stuff. With medium weights, place your feet wider than shoulder width apart. Reach down with your right hand to your left ankle, then come back up, pulling the dumbbell to your chest. Repeat on the other side, because dang if you're not just dropping stuff everywhere. 
Part 2, the wobble. A crossover lunge fit for a Rex. 
Part 3, the drop n wobble. Crossover lunge, bend down to pick up that thing you dropped. Continue walking forward, dropping and wobbling across the room. 
Crawling into Bed Nothing complex here - just a pilates pushup. Start at the top of your mat, walk your hands out, pushup, walk your hands back. Grab some weights for a press at the top if you want added pain. 
The "I drank too much and now I need to get out of bed" abs spectacular Part 1, the first attempt. Starting in a supine (laying down, for all you non-soon-to-be-PTs out there...yeah I know big words, what?) position, arms above your head, come up into a pike. Realize that's not quite the way to get out of bed and flop back down to start over. Repeat several times. 

Part 2, crossed wires. Starting supine again, laying spread eagle, bring your right hand to your left ankle, straight above your head. When that doesn't work, try the other way. Repeat until you give up. 

Part 3, making progress. Plant your feet on the ground and come up into a seated position. Lean back a little and grab a weight. Get confused about which side of the bed to use. Twist back and forth in indecision. Stop, decide to lay back down, but get only halfway before realizing you still need to pee. Start twisting again. 

Part 4, let sleeping crabs lay. Flop back down onto your back again. Do this: 
Flop back down to the bed and give up entirely.
Sleep it off cool down and stretch, all that. 
Gotta run to the gym now. Enjoy!

1 comment:

  1. This is hilarious! And looks like a pretty kick ass workout, too.