Wednesday, May 25, 2011

CPR, Or: Please Don't Ever Make Me Have to Save Your Life

Good news, folks! I am officially certified to save your life if you go into cardiac arrest. Does that terrify you? It terrifies me!  I won't lie...I at no point want to be responsible for someone else's continued arterial palpation. Nope, don't want it.  But, given extreme circumstances, I could even zap you back to life (maybe) if needed.  But please, guys, for the love of all that's wonderful in this world...don't let those circumstances arise.

It's not that I don't want to help people...I do. I can be very helpful when I want to be, and chances are I'd want to be in an emergency situation.  But the thing is...I feel guilty about EVERYTHING. If I saved your life but broke your ribcage, I'd feel horrible.  I'd probably send you an apology note and a quilt, just to make myself feel better.  If, god forbid, I did the best I could trying to save someone and failed?  I just don't even know how I'd handle that. I still feel pangs of guilt for not being able to help someone YEARS ago, even though there was literally nothing I could have done to help.

But hey, I have pictures!
 The baby CPR dummies freak me out. They're so...babies. Maybe it's just babies that freak me out. Seriously, how the heck do we SURVIVE???
 Cleanest crime scene ever.
 "You're not *really* choking..."
"Ok, ok, you saved me!"


This week is pretty much a week full of "really long days" with little to no time to eat, let alone work out.  Ok, let me rephrase.  Little to no time to work out that doesn't require me being functional before the buttcrack of dawn. Sorry, kids...momma doesn't run before 7 AM.

Immediately after I wrote that (at 7:45 AM), my dog walked in and flopped on the ground, which inspired me to get up off my butt, put on my shoes, and "run" a mile. Honest to god, I would have run it if I weren't dragging a 70 lb teenage puppy monster around by her face. Stupid dog is lazy beyond all reckoning..."high energy" breed my @$$.


In other news, this song continues to make me shake my booty at work:


How about you? Would you be able to (or have ever) save a life?

What's making your booty bounce today? 

What's your favorite rage workout?  

1 comment:

  1. I was trained for CPR when I was a resident adviser in college, but I don't think I'd deal well under pressure.

    I have "My Love Don't Cost A Thing" in my head, because it was playing in the thrift store I went to during lunch.